Positive statements make low self-esteem even worse
DESPITE WHAT all those self-help books say, repeating positive statements apparently does not help people with low self-esteem feel better about themselves. In fact, it tends to make them feel worse, according to research.
Joanne Wood of the University of Waterloo in Ontario and two colleagues conducted experiments in which they asked students to repeat statements to themselves such as “I am a loveable person” – then measured how it affected their mood.
“From at least as far back as Norman Vincent Peale’s The Power of Positive Thinking (1952), the media have advocated saying favourable things to oneself,” the researchers wrote in a recent issue of Psychological Science. “At this moment, thousands of people across North America are probably silently repeating positive statements to themselves.”
But in one of their studies involving 32 male and 36 female psychology students, the researchers found that repeating the phrase did not improve the mood of those who had low self-esteem, as measured by a standard test. They ended up feeling worse, and the gap between those with high and low self-esteem widened. The findings did not change even if participants were instructed to focus on how the statement might be true about them, as they were in a second study.
The study results “suggest that for certain people, positive self-statements may not only be ineffective, but actually detrimental”, researchers wrote.
Rob Stein June 24, 2009
The Washington Post
From Sparrowhawk:
I have long taught that enforced PMA (positive mental attitude) is no substitute for understanding and accepting the truth within us and changing the patterns that manifest as dysfunctional behaviour, ill-advised choices, and uncomfortable consequences. Indeed mental manipulation of this sort serves only to assist us to deny the feedback that is right before our eyes in our feelings, and encourages us to ignore the shadow side that holds so much understanding and healing for us if we will but venture there.
It has been very convenient for society as a w/hole to encourage us in this misinformation, resulting in our chanting ” my marriage is great” instead of choosing a new partner, repeating ‘money is coming to me’ as we cower at the thought of changing our poorly paid job. Staying put, when we need to move, and moving when we need to stick with it, is no solution to what ails us and affirmations won’t change that. Indeed, Sondra Ray of the Loving Relationship Training back in the 80’s used to say that “Love brings out its opposite”. Just like a hose in a blocked drain, before anything can permanently change, the dysfunctional must be flushed out, and new choices must be made. Magic wands work in the hands of magicians. We all need to be that in our own lives. Not by self delusion but by self acceptance: by courage to explore what doesn’t work in us, finding its roots in our upbringing, and then following through with new choices. This formula will work with new consequences hot on the heels of your new decisions. A new life is created by your own new awareness and understanding of what works (or hasn’t) for you. Magic!
Denial is magic too. Black magic~! It surrounds issues in mists and it clouds that which needs to be brought out into the clear light of day. It manifests from our unconscious exactly what will dis-empower us most. And who is doing it? Well, you are, of course! No blame here. Blame is as useless as balls on a cow, to misquote a well used Kiwi-ism. Whose responsibility is it? Yours. Whose fault is it? No one’s! While you are busy apportioning blame and guilt-tripping others you are making yourself into a victim. What you could be doing instead is seeing how it came about and making some changes to what you use your adult power to create for yourself from here on in. Having said that, there’s a need to get anger out of your system first. Have the rage, and the rave (to yourself, out load) but then move on to making new choices, armed with the knowledge of what needs did not get met for you in the old ones. Childhood is a powerless time. We don’t have the physical size, dexterity, or mental aptitude to make choices for ourselves. We spend years relying on people that can only guess at what we need and view us through the eyes of their own dysfunctional childhoods. All we can do about that is learn how to do it differently for ourselves based on what they couldn’t do. But to do that, we have to go looking. We have to turn over the rocks of our childhoods. We have to be prepared to see the yukky stuff that made us who we are so that we can make us who we can become.
Papering it over with affirmations and false optimism ain’t gonna do that, my friends. Courage and hard inner work will, though. And maybe not as much as you imagine. It’s amazing how quickly things shift once you shine the clarity of adult power on them. But we do have to make a commitment to the greatest work of all – self-discovery! And it’s life long. You don’t need a quick fix. You need a life long commitment to evolution of the species. Starting with yourself. That’s not about wallpapering over the nasty bits with pretty statements. That’s about following the path of honest self-appraisal. By the way, most affirmations are said to try and counteract our inner fears. The more we affirm its Ok, the more we fear that maybe it ain’t! Better to follow the fear to where it began and empower ourselves with the skill and knowledge we need to cope with any outcome.
Well that’s me for this month. If you need sessions, I might be able to fit you in somewhere, but know that its not something in which I will wave a magic wand and hey presto! all better. And one won’t do it. It requires commitment to your journey and gaining the skills that will stand by you for a lifetime. That takes time and patience to turn over the rocks of the past so that they can reveal the pounamu inside, week by week. You are a taonga (treasure) waiting to emerge. How long that takes depends on what’s inside, and what needs to get shifted to reveal it. Travel well. Blessings Sparrowhawk 021379104
